dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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