Welp...herpes.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
