That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
