I think im going to throw up on grandma
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
