So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
