I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I queefed so loud it echoed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
