either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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