How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
