if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
