It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
