i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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