Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
