Only a mothe r could love this liver
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
