I am puke
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
