I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
