He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
