Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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