i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
