3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
