do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
