i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
