now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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