From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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