Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
