My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
