she woke up with a sticky ear
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
