Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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