Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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