we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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