The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
