Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
