He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
