I puked a lego.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
