Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
