she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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