Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
