I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
