So drunk its hurt
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
