Can i not drive my cunt home
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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