What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
