I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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