You just made me feel so damn special
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
