So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
