mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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