I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
