Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
