how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
