Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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