So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
