actually, I'm a sock model
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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