Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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